3.
I was soon drained of all my strength, but I found it in me to keep moving. I told myself, ” Mira, keep moving forward even when you do not have the strength to, even when you do not know where you are going. Just keep moving as long as you can move. Move.”
I took in deep, calming breaths as I walked into the garden. It was too unbearable to watch the measly punishment Ken was receiving for drugging and almost raping me.
Rape, that was the word he used to deny my allegations. He had tried to rape me.
My brothers were busy playing outside; they were too young to understand what was happening. Daniel was seven and David six. It took my parents five years after they had me to decide if they wanted to have another child after me because of the financial responsibilities of bearing more kids.
Although they were both educated, they didn’t have a stable job yet. We did have a roof over our heads, and at least we ate three square meals, unlike most people who couldn’t even eat once, but it didn’t mean we were happy with what we had.
Everyone wants more; the more you get, the more you want. I swore then to have so much more than Aunty Lisa because if I did, she would not have treated me like this.
I stayed outside until the noise from inside died down, and even after it did, I continued to stand out.
I remained in the garden for almost an hour before I walked into Bella’s room, hoping to have my privacy.
Bella followed me without me noticing.
She came to sit on the bed close to me and took my hands in hers. “He used to touch me too. I didn’t understand. What does it mean?” Bella blurted out.
I stared at her with wide eyes. “Are you sure? I mean, how… I don’t.” I stuttered. I felt like a hand clutched my heart and pulled it out. I was panicking right now. That was the only thing I could do.
She was just six. How dare he do that to her? He’s a monster. I thought angrily. I could deal with my pain, but I hated dealing with that of others. I had so many questions like, Did he rape her? Has he taken away the innocence of this little angel? I was scared for her because, unlike me, she would remain with him.
“Tell me what he did to you?” I urged her.
“Any time there is no one at home, he will touch me all over my body.” Her voice was low but not pained. She was too little to understand that what he did to her was wrong. “You do believe me. Is it bad? I don’t understand, tell me. He says he loves me.”
She looked so confused. It took me the grace of God to stop myself from crying.
She had so many unanswered questions, something we both had in common. I hated that I couldn’t give her any answers. Yet, one thing was for sure: I was telling Aunty Lisa this so she would know that she had been harbouring a criminal, a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
I wasn’t even considering what would be done to him_ I didn’t care! He sure as hell deserved anything coming to him. I thought that if I told Aunt Lisa that her daughter was also a victim of his hate, she would then teach him a lesson. Then, he would truly get what he deserved for touching me.
“Don’t worry, dear, you are fine,” I hugged Bella. A tear dropped from my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away.
Bella soon ran away to play with my brothers, and I quietly walked to the study where I knew Aunt Lisa would be. It was her shelter.
The office was painted grey and was very small. There was a library at the right, close to the window, and a small table opposite the door where Aunt Lisa kept her computer, laptop, and books. The room was always cold, as she never put off the AC.
She was taking a drink when I walked in. I needed that, too, the drink.
Someone called her just then, and she picked up the call not sparing me a glance. She spoke quietly to the person, almost in a hushed whisper. I didn’t hear her voice, but I felt she spoke to her husband.
I sat on the rug and waited for her to finish the call. It would have been rude to interrupt.
“Bella said he touched her too.” I blurted out. I repeated each word slowly so she could hear and absorb it. I’m sure she did, she heard me, but she didn’t react. It was as though I suddenly became invisible even though I was right before her.
“Food will soon be ready.” She replied. “Go take your bath.” This time, she could not hide her disgust. I could hear it in her voice. I was very observant. Only one question kept repeating in my mind. Was that disgust in her voice because of me?
I couldn’t ask her; I would only ponder it until the pain became bearable.
“OK,” I said, walking out more confused than upset. Why didn’t she say anything? I kept wondering. Her daughter was being abused, and she said nothing!
She did not believe me right, that disgust; she thought I wanted to set him up. I was nobody; she should not listen to me because I was nothing, just a poor nobody. I am not worth anything. I guess that’s what her husband told her. I guess he asked her why she would hit Ken because of me.
I was walking alone in the garden, talking to myself. I needed to let the feelings out as I couldn’t take it anymore. My feelings were nasty, and I was scared that if I didn’t let them out, they could kill me.
‘One day, I swore, blinking back tears, they will be nowhere compared to me. One day, they will see themselves as nobody. One day, they will be nobody, and I swear I will make them feel just as inferior as I feel now.’ I mumbled, sniffing back tears.
I started taking long, deep breaths while repeating that I couldn’t let this weigh me down and that I was stronger than they thought.
I heard footsteps behind me. I quickly wiped my tears and put on that fake plastic smile I had mastered over the years, thanks to my father.
“Mira’s aunt says you should come to the dining. Breakfast is ready.” Daniel said, running towards me. He looked a bit worried.
His thin legs that were exposed under his shorts made me grin, and I grinned even wider so he didn’t have to worry about me. He looked just like me: fair, thin, with brown eyes and a long face, only that I had longer hair.
I took his hands, and we both walked to the garden. The house was a beautifully built bungalow. Two stairs demarcated the parlour. It was above the stairs that they set the dining.
The diner was in the other part of the parlour, huge and black. With fake flowers in vases and fake fruits in a bowl for decoration. I sunk into one of the chairs, and my legs didn’t touch the ground because the chair was too big.Published by Nôv'elD/rama.Org.
Ken was sitting on the dining too. I wanted to leave, but I thought against it. Aunt Lisa might not like it, and even though I was going to one day be richer, my mum, for now, needed her friendship, and I didn’t want to be the one to scatter it.
I ignored Ken as there was nothing else I could do. I knew I couldn’t confront him. I don’t know what to say; I wasn’t brave enough yet.
They were all excuses, though there were so many excuses, but I consoled myself with the thought that He would one day get punished adequately by me in the future.
‘That shouldn’t be a problem, should it?’ I thought, smirking. He had no idea what was coming for him. I would make him pay. It was a promise I made to myself. ‘I will make them pay.’
Ken looked at me for what seemed like a second and averted his gaze while Anita served the meal of pancake and custard.
I was trying to adjust to my seat when I heard David speak. I immediately stopped moving; everyone remained still, just like I did.
“What happened in the morning?” David asked me innocently. He thought he whispered, and no one heard him, but it was no whisper.
“I don’t know. You can ask Ken, maybe.” I replied quietly. Ken was sitting opposite me; I was between David and Bella, and Daniel sat close to Ken.
Aunt Lisa was at the far end of the diner, looking very distracted and angry.
I wanted to stop calling her Aunty; she didn’t deserve it.
But funny enough, my real Aunt was not exactly perfect; she disrespected my mom at any opportunity she got. I didn’t blame her, though she did it because my dad let her.
So I didn’t even know which was worse. I wished that my mum wasn’t an only child and an orphan, but there was nothing I could do about it.
David didn’t ask Ken. He didn’t say another word. The pancake was good, but I was too hurt to enjoy it.
Breakfast was eaten in silence
. After a long eventful day, and by eventful, I mean me avoiding everyone, including my brothers, I felt a little better.
That night, I held on to Bella like she was my guardian Angel. We clung to each other.
I eventually slept in the early morning after much turning and thinking.
I didn’t feel any hands on me. I made sure of this by locking Bella’s room door firmly.
The damage to my heart had already been done anyway, and I knew deep down that I would never remain the same again