My Familiar Mistakes

Chapter#3 : The Burden She Feels

Chapter # 3: The Burden She Feels (English Translated)

[Veera's P.O.V]

It has been three days since Vita almost disappeared due to my negligence.

It was morning when I saw mama come home.

She was up again 'till morning because of her work. She is not taking good care of herself already. She

could hardly sleep and eat because of the two of us.

Life itself was so beautiful and peaceful in the eyes of my sister Vita.

"How was Vita? What time will you pick her up at their school sis?" EunYeo asked me as she combed

her hair and watched her reflection on the mirror in the school restroom.

We had been dismissed at school already and ready to go home and this Monday ... I do not want to

happened again what happen last Friday. Not again. So I decided that I would just take Vita with me

into LyeSeo's house.

Maybe they will absolutely understand my reasons.

"How did Vita end up near our school? Then you said Adam the Mama's boy saw her? How come? I

really can't absorb your story sissss."

EunSeo over-reacted said with such actions as we walk towards her car.

"I don't know. I just saw them under the slide and Vita was crying. I even thought that there were

perverted things that Adam did to Vita tho I restrained myself to be mad because I know Vita very much

when she is hurt. She will leave Adam there alone for her to be able to escape. " I said and adjusted

my seat in the passenger's seat in EunYeo's car.

"Now you plan to go to LyeSeo's house? Take Vita while you teach? Aren't you worried that Mr. and

Mrs. Park might think that ... you know already..." said EunYeo anxiously

"I thought about that too and yeah I'm a little worried because the twins might not be comfortable when

Vita is there. Only today that the twins will know that I have a sister with special disabilities. All they

know is that I have a tender and loving sister .. . " I said sadly while looking out the window which was

gradually getting wet by the big raindrops.

"All right Sis. You can get Vita." EunYeo said when she parked in the parking lot next to Vita's school.

---

'Isn't he the Firstborn of Eugenio Siblings? Pity. Maybe it was actually true that their mother's mother

cursed their father. That when her daughter chooses him to be her husband, her daughter and her

grandchildren will pay for the hardships of life. '

Just before I entered Vita's school I wore my shades and acted as if I'm deaf to any comments or

gossip I could hear from parents inside this school.

'I heard she's privately working with a family. Supposedly a tutor but she is targeting the head of the

family. '

Even though my legs are shaking because of what I hear them say about me, neither one of it is true.

I still forced myself to stand up straight with my chin up while I walk.

I heard, Vita is said to be her daughter in the sexual assault that she experience in her Dad. It was said

that her mother was just hiding the truth. '

'Last night I saw their mother. Shortly after work at the Chicken Restaurant on the subway he headed

straight for a red car. Then a handsome young man talked to Mrs. Eugenio of 20,000 Won. '

'Is it true?'

‘Is she really going to sell her own daughter? That mother of them was useless. Nauseating indeed. '

Even though the whispers that I hear around me are heartbreaking, I still trying to calm myself down.

"Hey babeeee. How was your day today?"

I was startled by my sudden companion whom secretly supported me because I almost fell due to my

tremor.

"A-adam ..." I stammered to him.

"What did Tita Veena gave you? I asked her last night to buy anything that you like. I told her that we

had a big fight yesterday and I'm ashamed to face you that night. I'm really sorry baby." Said by him

then I felt that he was secretly placing some paper in the pocket of my uniform.

"Why are you doing this?" I told him and pushed him a little.

"Hmp. Don't be mad at me already, baby. Pleasee." while pouting he said.

'He was the man in the red car last night.'

'She? Is he Vera's boyfriend? '

'Poor young man. She will even be affected by that young lady's burden. '

"Tu-yha ah-amm" 'Kuya Adam.'

It was just in time, Vita went outside their classroom as the whispers stopped.

'You really are gossips. Let's go. You all have different speculations ee, that you all are not even sure if

there were truths about your speculations. '

Vita's friend's mother's words did not escape in what I have heard.

Really?

I don't know if this mother of Vita's friend treated us properly. I do not understand if she is kind to us

because she want us to trust her, so that she could tell gossips about us with the others or he is really

kind because we are also kind to her son and her herself.

It's so hard to trust. Scary.

We left Vita's school while Adam was talking.

"Where do you plan to take Vita today?" He questioned.

"In the house of the child I teach." I answer sparingly.

"The next time you go to Vita's school, call me." He said.

"That will never happen again." Annoyed I said then got in EunYeo's car.

"What did I just saw, young lady ????" Shocked she said.

"I don't know either. He just suddenly appeared like a mushroom." I said and closed my eyes and then

leaned my head against the window.

"Hi Vitaaa. How are you baby? Did you have fun at school today?" EunYeo asked Vita with a smile as

she played in the back seat of the car.

"Oh-pm. Tu-yha Ah-am whe-mpt" 'Opo. Kuya Adam went. '

She said as she played with her toys.

EunYeo and I looked at each other.

"Adam bribed him." I said with a annoyed tone.

"Anyways. It's good that you weren't late for class this morning? Sir seems determined to drop you. You

had a good situation at school earlier ..., so I hope Sis that you are all fine. :))) " She simply patted my

shoulder.

"Thank you Yeo huh? You are always here for me. I hope that even if my life changes differently, you

are still my best friend." I said and hugged her.

"Hey! Hahahha. You know you can't hug and up a drama right now. Right? I'm driving young lady" She

said while laughing because she was shocked by my hug.

"I'm sorry. My eyes are always really teary, because you always sympathize with me when I feel sad or

lonely." I said and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

----

“OmO OmO Did you just see how Pongpong smile? OmO Did I actually saw his teeth appearing in

those smile? Ackk Unnie Unniee. What to do? What to do? He’s actually smiling while playing with

Vitaaaa! ” LyeSeo energetically whisper to my ears.

She doesn’t want her brother to notice her gossiping about how the way LyePong smiles with Vita.

“OmO OmO What to do? Pong really love her Acckkk Unnie Veera I think this is the sign that the world

will enddd. ” She whispered to me excitedly but a little anxious.

“But if this is the end of the world, I want to exchange places with Vita! I want to be your sister in the

next creation of the world OMG. ” She said enthusiastically while jumping in so much joy.

“Yes my SeoSeo. It was also my first time seeing him smile like that. The joy in his eyes is really

priceless indeed. ” I said and pat her head.

It seems that I have the advantage and disadvantage of being with Vita, here in the twins' house. I

could not teach because they saw Vita as their new playmate.

They were overjoyed. I thought at first they would not like Vita because of her disabilities. But I am

wrong, because they accepted Vita as a normal child that they can play with.

They were raised well. Growing up smart, kind and broad-minded in things that are strange to a normal

child.

“Veeraaaaa! You didn't even tell us that you have a sisterrr that is very very cute and intelligent!

Lookkkk at her! She's so active and friendlyyyy. It feels like she is more my sister than LyeSeo. We

have the same likes and she understands what I likeee. And Hey Veera! She's much much beautiful

than youuuu. She has a sexy mind. Full of ideas, you didn't even seem to recognizeddd. ” LyePong

said, as if he had known Vita since childhood.

Funny how LyePong remarked on how good and smart my sister was. And how he also makes his

sarcastic word, when it comes to me and his twin. The usual LyePong is indeed like that?.

“Yes! You're such a meanie PongPong. You hate us that much? ” LyeSeo laughs at her twin comment.

Kids are kids anyway. Even though they are normal kids and with special needs, they also need to be

sociable and learn in their own ways. It is only in the nature and nurture of the child, in how they

respond to things.

LyeSeo also joined in the fun of the two, so I was left here sitting near their wooden table.

It's nice to be a child, you have no problem thinking about what toys you should be releasing next, or

what cartoons you will watch next on TV, or what games you and your friends can play. The pleasure of

being a child, is the thought that only the knee, can give pain to your whole body because there is a

small wound.

Unlike when you get older. There comes the rejection in any aspects, in that love, in academics, in

work and even in society. When you grow old, you will be emotionally strained by those problems. You

will be beaten not only emotionally but also mentally and physically. But life is like that, it will get harder

and harder. You can't just give up and you can't pause just because it's getting harder.

But thinking of the problems that you have? How can you solve it one by one in a speedy manner? It is

very difficult to think and also very difficult to do.

I have no choice but to open my bag. The amount of paper I saw.

There are brochures at various colleges.

There are brochures at various job fairs.

There are brochures in various school clubs that I can not join because of low budget.

There are various letters from papa's creditors.

There are brochures at various amusement parks that I want to go to and take mama and Vita there.

There are different brochures in different concerts that I want to accompany EunYeo and we can go.

There are various promissory notes for our tuition.

There are different tardiness slips in my various teachers.

Imagine, everything fits in my bag and is in order. I hope my life is as comfortable as my bag.

There is a single and uniquely folded and tucked into the deepest pocket inside my bag. This is my

letter to myself when I was only 16.

I smiled bitterly when I remembered what was in that letter.

I did not bother to open that letter again. I have not read it, since I wrote it because I still memorized

every word in that letter.

That letter is too painful and too bitter. I can't open it because I'm scared.

“Hey. Veera. How deep are you thinking? Aren't you going home with Vita yet? Mareng Veena is

already there. waiting for you. He didn't come in because he said he would leave right away --- your

mom really! Doesn't want to be served food here. She is still embarrassed to this day. ” I was surprised

when Mrs. Park my hand tightly holding my bag.

“A-ah sorry Auntie. Just too much to think about. I didn't notice that mama was already there. Sorry

aunt, your house has become a mini playground .. .. I shouldn't have brought Vita here. I have not been

able to teach your twin yet. It doesn't matter, just deduct this day from your payment to me for next

month. I will not bring Vita here first, so that the two children can focus on studying ? ”I said shyly to

Auntie.

I am ashamed, because she always sees me stunned or so deep in thought even when teaching

children.

She always made me feel that even though I did not mention my problems, she felt that I needed her

help. She did not fail to remind me that I have someone to lean on, in the moment of my heaviness, just

using her simple tapping on my shoulder, holding my hand and especially her hug with me.

She always proves herself that I’m safe with her by my side. So sometimes, I feel ashamed of Auntie

because she really considers me the eldest child.

“Hi mom! Auntie gave me the juice. It looks like you are very tired from work. Have you eaten yet,

mama? ” I hugged mama when I saw her when I came out of the gate.

Vita, who came out next to me, also hugged mama when she saw it.

“Yes son it is very tiring. Thank you for this --- Did you know that earlier at work there were drunk

teenagers who went crazy. The plates at the chicken restaurant were smashed. When I rebuked, a

young woman threw a broken piece of plate at me. It was good that I avoided it and it just touched my

arm. Our manager was furious and banned them from the restaurant and then put up a sign that the

vandals would be fined or else they would be imprisoned if they were not minors, then their parents

would be imprisoned when they were minors. ” She told me while walking and drinking the juice I gave

her.

“My mom! Where is your wound? Have you treated that yet? Lots of blood. The blood immediately

drips to the outside of the gauze oh. ” I said worriedly.

“Let me just treat it at home. We will be home soon too. ” Mama said with a soft smile to me as if she

was not in pain.

I watched mama while holding Vita. I put off walking a bit because I said my shoes were tight and I

would take them off first.

I smiled as I watched them both. Only the two of them, gave me the courage not to give up. I can never

blame my mother for what is happening to us, because from the very beginning she was the one who

supported this family.

None other than my mom. She can handle everything, even sometimes at dawn I can hear his sobs

because she is having a hard time. She did not show the two of us, that she was having a hard time.

She spends his time working for us.

Mama does not show that she feels any physical ailments. I once followed her to the hospital and she

went straight to a cardiologist and psychiatrist.

When mama came out of the doctor's office, I just waited for her to get away before entering and I

suddenly ask the doctor what was the illness my mother already has.

I knew it was not right for me to enter his office without an appointment then suddenly would ask, what

was the illness of the patient who had just come out. Content rights by NôvelDr//ama.Org.

The doctor told me that her heart was weak and that she could no longer do the heavy work. He also

said that mama is consulting a psychiatrist because she can not be stressed too much because there is

more possibility that her heart will weaken even more and have heart failure or cardiac arrest anytime.

Our mother has been having Peripartum Cardiomyopathy for a long time. From the moment she gave

birth to me, her heart has been weak. They did not know that mama's heart had weakened until it took

a while and Vita followed me. The doctor told me that the disease is said to be contracted by newborn

mothers after giving birth or 5 months after giving birth. It is said that it is dangerous for women with

Peripartum Cardiomyopathy to get pregnant again but because mama and papa do not know that she

has such a disease. I was followed by another child. The doctor added that pregnancy is not a risk but

it is possible to have a risk for the developing fetus ...

I was depressed when I found out about it from the doctor but mama's doctor said I can't tell mama that

I know anything about her illness because mama might not continue the treatment.

Mama said she wanted to get treatment even though she did not want to go to hospitals and doctors,

because that was for Vita and me. She was afraid that when she disappeared, there would be nothing

left for the two of us.

She was afraid we both thought we would be orphans; so she decided not to tell, neither of us, about

her condition.

It's depressing to see that behind mama's smiling and happy face, she has something she can't tell us.

Mama takes care of us and values us as if we were not the reason why she had Peripartum

Cardiomyopathy. He loves us so much that even though she is alive, she is ready to pay even her life

just to be with the both of us.

“Veera my daughter, do you know? Your friend Adam visited the restaurant earlier and then when he

noticed that there was a commotion and then I had a wound, he bought me first aid. Ointments, band

aids and gauzes. He also put it on me. This is it, he even sent me home. He added that I should take

care of changing the gauzes if my wound was still bleeding. ” Mama said happily as she showed the

plastic bag containing first aid kits.

I looked away and whispered insulting Adam.

I don't know if I should be thankful or I should be mad because you come at a time when my family

needs help.

“That friend of yours is sensible, Veera. Last time he reached me 20,000 Won, because I met him once

in a convenient store and then he lacked payment and the cards he had were declined. I just paid his

shortfall of 10,000 Won first because I felt sorry for him at that time. He even returned it to me twice

when he passed by the restaurant and saw me. I was even surprised because I thought he was not

rich. But the truth is, he just ran away from their house for a while when we met at the convenient store.

” Mama said laughing.

Ahhh so that's the history of the 20,000 Won and handsome young man who drives a red car. I really

thought mama sold me for that crazy e.

“My Mom! Do not be too deceived by the handsome face of Adam and He is not my friend. That is my

mortal enemy. ” Disgusted but I laughed when I told mama and took the plastic that mama was carrying

and put it inside my bag.

“But Adam was kind. Have you ever liked him? Clever, able to deal with others and not look at the lives

of others. ” Smiling, mama said as if teasing me.

“Hey mom. I don't know about you. ” I just said laughing.

I carried Vita behind me. She was tired

"Veera my daughter, what if your dad comes back?" Mom suddenly asked me.

“Even though I love dad, mom? I don't want him back. He once left us. I don't want him to come back

again, because the chance for him to leave again for the second time has increased and I also don't

want the space to grow and the pain I felt when he left. I don't want my trust to be broken again

because of him. ” I said seriously while we were still walking and I was carrying Vita.

"What if your dad really needs to come back here with us?" Mama asked and I don't know if it was just

a simple question or if it meant something.

I looked her straight in the eye.

“You? Do you still want papa to come home? After all that he did to us? ” I have a serious question

“Do you still want him to come even though we are in debt because of him? Do you still want him to

come even though our family was ruined because of him and you divorced? Do you still want him to

come home even though his creditors are still chasing the three of us? Do you still want him to come

home even though we are only slowly getting up again because of what he did? Do you still want him

to come home to destroy the family we are trying to bring to life again? Ma? Answer me. ” I gently

asked one question after another until my tears kept flowing and I could not help but raise my voice

because of the pain I was feeling.

It just feels like speaking in a higher tone while you are mad eases the pain. I know I shouldn't because

I'm talking to mama but it feels like I need to release this pain that mama started with the topic I'm

avoiding.

“N-not like that son. N-not like that… I'm just afraid that you and your brother will be alone. What if I

have an accident? What will happen to you? I don't have any other relatives here who can take care of

you. If there is, I do not want to give both of you, my children, to their care because they might hurt you.

” Mama cried.

Ma. For once please let those tears fall. Please release it in front of me. Stop hiding it mama. Please.

“Are you scared? That we will be left alone? Why? Will you leave us? Will you have an accident in the

next few days? Next years? What else can happen to you? Don't reason out that you got scared

because of what happened at the restaurant earlier because it's not just the first time that it happened"

“V-Veera. i just don't want to be a burden too. ” Mama said and suddenly grabbed her chest.

I know she prevents herself from crying or sobbing because anytime, her tears may flow continuously

just like every time she cries at dawn.

“Ma? Are you okay? Ma? ” I said confusedly when she grabbed my shoulder and seemed unable to

breathe properly.

Oh fck! Where is my phone? I tried to dial 119 (911 in Korea) but my hands were shaking, and also add

Vita's weight at my back because I was carrying her at my back and was sleeping soundly.

I can no longer support mama, so I also got on my knees to catch her weight. Vita who also woke up

and is now crying when she saw that mama was having trouble breathing.

Lord help us. I have dialed several times on the hotline of 119. I also tried calling Eunyeo or even Mrs.

Park. The slow 119!

“Help! Help! ” I shouted and then suddenly a fast car parked in front of us.

“Hop in Vita. Veera. Give her to me, I'll carry Tita Veena in the car. Pass her on to me. ” Adam helped

me put mama in the back seat and I also sat there.

I remember what the doctor told me that in case I need to give mama first aid when she suddenly has a

heart attack. I kept on doing it.

"Hurry up Adam" I cried.

We can't lose you mama…

I can't. I can't stand it anymore if Vita and I lose you.

Everything the doctor told me when I found out mama was sick came back. All mama's sacrifices to us.

All the tears she hid for the two of us. All the smiles she shares and the smiles she gives when we

reach our goal. All the advice and all the time when mama and I fight every morning or at night and that

time when we used to fight…

Mama ..

Mama ..

Mama ..

"She'll be fine" Adam said comfortably while rubbing my back.

"Stop crying, Veera." He says.

“I want to push you away but why do you always show up when I really need you? Adam. That's my

mom. I can't see her in a state like that. ” I cried and I could do nothing but cry over Adam's polo

sleeves.

“Shh just cry okay. Let it out. ” He just said.

He kept calming me but still listens in what my fears when mama lost us. He just listened and did not

respond to my cries or whatever he wanted to say. He listened from my loud cries to my weak sobs

until drowsiness visited me on his shoulder.

“You always see me breaking down…” I whispered and fell asleep.

*** END OF CHAPTER ***