197
Lucca
Tonight wasn’t supposed to end like this. After dinner, we were supposed to head home, and spend all evening together, tangled in one another’s arms.
“What’s going on? Who called you?” Claire asks with fervor.
My mood dove straight off a cliff when I saw Julian’s name flash across the screen of my phone. The need to punch something just to punch it pulsed through my veins.
The last thing I want to do is expose Claire to more darkness, to carry her into the pitch black with me, but I’m not given a choice tonight. If I don’t do this job right now, then I might as well sell the house and take Claire back to that piece of shit apartment. To let Julian down wasn’t an option. He barely trusts me now, and I know I must work my way back up the ladder.
I’m lucky he didn’t kill me when he had the chance.
“Hello? What’s going on, Lucca?” Claire presses for an answer once more, and I slow and turn down an alleyway. “Was it your girlfriend? Is something wrong with her?”
Girlfriend?
“What the hell are you talking about?” I’m seriously confused by her question.
“I know, Lucca. I saw the note… the letter you wrote and left in the kitchen drawer. I read it. I know you’re in love with someone else.”
Christ.
“Fuck, Claire. Is that why you left?” Her silence is more than enough to answer that question, and I can’t believe I’ve been this stupid. How could I forget about that fucking letter? Everything is making sense now. Why she left, why she suddenly pushed me away. I figured it was because I took her roughly that night, skipping the roses and sunshine when I should have known there was more to it.Content bel0ngs to Nôvel(D)r/a/ma.Org.
“Claire, listen to me.” Just as I stop at a red light, I grab her arm and force her to face me. I need her to get every single word of what I’m about to say. “I wrote that letter to push you away, to make you hate me because I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. But I couldn’t go through with it, so I never gave it to you. Nothing you read on that piece of paper is true. There is no one else, only you. You are the only person I have ever loved.”
“Oh…” Her mouth stays open, permanently forming an O.
Wide-eyed, I can see her brain working, thinking back to the last six months and everything she thought about me that wasn’t true. So much wasted time all because I didn’t throw the fucking note away.
“I promise you, there has been no one else. I haven’t been with anyone else in years. It’s only you, Claire. It’s only ever been you. Always.”
“Lucca… I’m sorry, I should have talked to you instead of leaving.” She tries to turn away from me, obviously ashamed of her actions, but I won’t let her. I don’t care what happened in the past. I only care about today, tomorrow, and our future.
“Don’t be sorry, baby. All that matters is that we are together now.”
She gives me a smile, but it’s weak. “So, what was the phone call about?”
“I have a job to do, something that can’t wait. It’s time-sensitive.” I let go of her and look ahead, through the windshield. I can’t bear to look her in the eyes, too afraid to see what might be there.
Disappointment, or maybe even fear?
“A job? Like….” Her voice tapers off, and we both know what she was going to say.
I park the car right outside the back of the bar Julian said to go to and turn the lights off. There’s a very dim streetlight that illuminates the alleyway, making it possible for me to see anyone who walks out that back door.
Turning in my seat, I face Claire. She’s watching me with sadness in her eyes. I have to explain myself before this goes bad, and I risk losing her again.
“When I met you, I was working for this man named Julian. I betrayed him when you were kidnapped to save you. Then when you disappeared, I was pissed and had no idea where you could be. His wife was kidnapped by the same family, and I helped him get her back. A truce formed between us, and he brought me back under his wing. He asked me to do some work for him and earn my way back into his life. He understood why I did what I did, even if he didn’t agree with it. If I don’t do this job, if I let him down, there is no getting away. I’m in the mob, and there is no way out, Claire. I don’t want to scare you or bring you any more pain. After tonight, you will never be brought into my darkness again.”
“Are you going to kill someone?” Her throat bobs.
“Yes,” I tell her, unable to lie. In a second, she’ll see me do it, so what’s the point in hiding it. “I need you to stay in the car, though. Do not get out. No matter what you see.”
She looks mortified but nods her head, yes.
My stomach knots and tightens to the point of pain. I reach across the car and into the glove box, pulling my gun out. The blood in my veins pumps a little faster, and a spark of adrenaline ignites as I lift the weapon.
It feels perfect in my hand. Exhaling, I allow myself to sink into the role of being a killer and reach for the door handle.
Claire’s hand grabs onto my shoulder, halting me. “Please, be careful,” she says, her entire body tight.
“I’ll be fine. Stay in the car, please,” I say and push the door open. Right as I step out of the car, the backdoor to the bar opens, and the person I’m looking for comes stumbling out. I close the door to the SUV without looking back at Claire and approach the woman.
Killing women is my least favorite thing to do. It affects me differently, makes me feel weak and sick. Like I’m a bastard or something.
My boots slap against the pavement with each step I take.
“Hey,” I yell, causing the woman to stop in her tracks.
I need to get a good look at her to verify so I don’t end up killing an innocent person. I pull out my cell phone and pull up the image attached to the message.
My eyes scan the picture, like I’m taking a photo of it: heart-shaped face, dark hair, green eyes, and full lips. The woman in this picture appears young and happy. I don’t care to know what got her to this point in life. Usually, it involves drugs or a debt that was left unpaid, and as sad as it is, someone else’s problems aren’t my own. In my eyes, this is merely a job.
“Excuse me?” The woman narrows her gaze at me as she whirls around. We’re less than five feet away from each other now.
Green eyes that are dull and lacking life. Brown matted hair that could use a washing and brush. Her face is sunken in, and there are dark bags under her eyes.
“Are you Missy?” I ask.
“Depends, who’s asking? You looking for a good time, baby?” I want to fucking vomit when she takes a step toward me.
My fingers grip my gun, and I pull it out, pointing the muzzle right at her forehead.
“What the fuck?” she shrieks at the sight of my gun. At least she’s not running.
“Wait!” another voice calls, and I realize in an instant that it’s Claire. For one brief second, I take my eyes off the hit and turn to find Claire rushing toward us. “Wait, Lucca! That’s my mom,” Claire yells, and I stagger backward, completely fucking shocked.
Suddenly, I’m caught between hell and a rock.
Her mom?
“My ClaireBear, is that really you?” The woman takes a wobbly step toward Claire, who’s shocked, sad expression has me lowering my gun. “I’ve missed you so much! I looked everywhere for you.”
For once in my life, I don’t know if I can go through with a kill. I’ve already killed her father. I don’t know that I can be responsible for both of her parents’ lives.
It’s obvious that Claire’s mother never cared about her. If she had, she would’ve found her. It wouldn’t have been hard.
“Your father, he took you from me. Took everything from me,” Claire’s mother snaps angrily. I look between Claire and her mother. What the fuck do I do?
“I… I can’t believe it’s you.” Claire seems more shocked than anything. Like she’s looking at a ghost. “Why… why did you leave?”
“Oh, baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to. But your father… he made me.”
Claire frowns, and I want to sweep her into my arms and return her to the car and forget that the second half of this day ever happened. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
“Why? Why didn’t you take me with you?”
“I’m sorry, baby girl. I couldn’t, but that’s all in the past. Come here. Let me at least hug you,” her mother croaks.
Claire crosses the space that separates them and wraps her arms around her mother. In an instant, everything goes from bad to fucking worse. Claire’s mother pulls a knife from who fucking knows where, and whirls Claire around, pressing the blade against her throat.
My heart does a backflip in my chest, and I lift my gun, ready to shoot the bitch right between her eyes.
“Let her go,” I say through my teeth as calmly as I can.
She laughs. “Give me all the money you got, or I’m slitting her throat.”
“Mom…” Claire cries out.
“You wouldn’t hurt your own daughter, would you?” I ask, knowing damn well that she would. The feral look in her eyes tells me she would do just about anything for some cash, even kill the person she gave birth to.
“Do you really think I care about her?” She presses the blade harder against her throat. Claire gasps and a small bead of blood appears on the blade. “I left her with her father, hoping he would finish the job that the doctor fucked up when I went to get an abortion.”
The color drains from Claire’s face, and the air around us becomes electrically charged. Something bad is about to happen. I can feel it in my gut; the gush of something ugly fills the air.
“Let her go,” I order.
Claire and I lock gazes and without a word said, she slams her elbow into her mother’s side. The knife clatters to the ground, and all I can think of is to protect Claire. My goal has always been and always will be to protect her.
I don’t hesitate when I pull the trigger. My ears ring as the bullet leaves the chamber and lodges itself right between her mother’s eyes. One second later, she falls backward, crumpling to the pavement like a rag doll. I rush to Claire’s side and take her into my arms. This is so fucked up, so wrong. All I want to do is take her pain away and make sure she is safe, but I keep fucking up.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“I… I think so,” she says with a hoarse voice.
Shoving my gun into the holster at my hip, I carry her back to the SUV. I buckle her into the seat and rip out of the alleyway, leaving before police can arrive. My heart pummels my chest as I drive us home and park in the driveway.
In the ten minutes it took to get here, she still hasn’t said anything.
Her silence is overwhelming, and it terrifies me. I’m scared that I’ve lost her, that I’ve hurt her. Yeah, her mom said some really shitty things and held a knife to her throat, but was that worthy of death? I didn’t think Claire would think so, but I knew that if I didn’t kill her, someone else would’ve. Maybe I should’ve let that person carry the weight of the hit.
Now I risk losing everything. I don’t regret killing Claire’s mom. She deserved to die, for more than one reason, but the most important being that she threatened my butterfly’s life.
I can’t take the silence any longer and slip out of the car, jogging around to the passenger side door. Claire doesn’t flinch or even move as I snake an arm under her knees and another behind her neck and pick her up. I tuck her against my chest, expecting her to sob at any second.
I’m not sure how, but I get us inside the house and close the door. I carry her up to our bedroom, turn on the light, and place her on the bed, not releasing her for even a second as I do.
“I’m sorry for what I did. I’m sorry for hurting you.” I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing to her if I have to.
She lifts her head and whispers, “I’m not.””
I’m so shocked by the words, I almost think she didn’t say them at all.
“Why? That was your mother, and I’ve taken both parents from you. I’m… I’m sorry for bringing you into this fucked up world.”
Claire pulls away and cups me by the cheek. Her hand is tiny and fragile like glass. Tears glisten in her eyes. Fuck, I don’t know what I’m going to do if they fall.
“I’m not sorry I met you that day years ago, Lucca, and I’m not sorry that you killed my father or that you killed my mother. They were never my parents, maybe by birth and blood, but physically and emotionally, they were nothing. Blood doesn’t make you family, and I’m the one that’s sorry. I should have realized this before today. Tracy and Steven are my real parents. All you did was kill two people who didn’t deserve to live.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for…”
Claire cuts me off, “I do. I hurt Steven and Tracy. I hurt you, and I’m sorry it took me so long to understand what I have right in front of me. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize I love you. That I’ve always loved you. I wanted to hurt you the same way you hurt me. I felt abandoned every time you left, even though I knew you were just trying to protect me.”
“Fuck.” I squeeze my eyes shut. “I wouldn’t blame you for hating me, Claire, not after everything that I’ve put you through.”
“Shut up, stupid. I love you,” she says, and her lips find mine in the dark, sealing her fate for life. She loves me, and I love her, which means I’m never letting her go.
I pull back from the kiss, my cock swelling in my dress slacks. I want to fuck her right now, but it’s not really a good time.
“I hope you know what this means.” I smile.
“That we can get a dog?” She smirks.
“No… I mean, yeah, I guess, but that’s not what it means. It means you’re mine, forever. Do you want that? To be mine forever?”
“Hmmm, let me think about it.” She giggles, and the sound warms me all over. “Of course, that’s what I want. I think I’ve loved you since the day I met you.”
“Good, because you’ll never be rid of me. No matter where you run, I will find you. Mine. Forever. Always.”