The Space Between You and I

Chapter 4

Tears and heartache followed her meeting with Henry at the park. Not so much over her brother Max, but in regard to her feelings for Henry ,She knew the trip wasn’t a good idea for her sentimental state at the moment, but she couldn’t help the desire in her heart to go. She wanted to be there for him, even though she knew it’d only grow the pain inside her. That evening, she took Ruff out to Swellview to her sister, Mandy’s, house. Ruff would have the company of Mandy’s dogs, Roxy and Candy, while she was out of town with Henry.

Gabe, Mandy’s husband, promptly took Ruff out to the barn to join the other dogs. Mandy and Noelle stayed in the kitchen while Mandy prepared dinner for her family. Little West was asleep in his crib.

“I know you’re wanting to ask why I’m going . . .” Noelle’s comment came as she sat down on the bar stool in the kitchen while Mandy prepped a salad at the counter.

Letting out a sigh, Mandy stopped slicing the tomatoes and turned, coming over to the counter where Noelle was sitting. Looking her sister in the eyes, Mandy frowned. “Sis, I’ve tried to tell you about this guy, and you turn a deaf ear over and over again. I’m giving it to God now. I can’t do anything else and I finally understand that. It’s kind of a relief.”

“What if he meets his mom on this trip, Mandy? Maybe he’ll finally come to his senses about us and be willing to commit. I know he has feelings for me.”

Walking around the counter, Mandy came over to Noelle on the stool and grabbed both of her hands. “You may be right. But you might be wrong. Henry has a lot of anger built up in him, and that bitterness isn’t just going to be switched off overnight because he finally met his mom. And so, what if he does meet her? She’s not going to be able to give him what he really wants. He wants a good reason for her abandoning him and that doesn’t exist. There’s no excuse in the world that will make sense to his heart on why his mom gave up on him.”

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Discouraged by Mandy’s words, Noelle hung her head.

Mandy lifted her little sister’s chin with a finger. “Hey. You still have Jesus, Sister. Don’t let this man ruin your entire life by waiting forever for him.”

“You’re right.” Noelle furrowed her eyebrows as she nodded confidently. She had had a crush on Henry since she had met him six years ago in high school, and she had let good men come and go out of her life because of him. She couldn’t keep waiting for him any longer. “You know what? This trip is it. No matter whether he meets his mom or not, I’m done for good if he can’t commit. I’m going to confront him about us.”

“What if he still wants to be friends?” Noelle was testing her with that question.

“Doesn’t matter. I can’t be his friend when I feel the way I do about this man.”

“That’s my Abeke!” Walking back over to the counter, Mandy continued prepping the salad. “Who knows? Maybe a good letting alone is just what he needs.”

“I’m not going to view it like that. I can’t let myself stay hopeful of being with him. I have to have finality in my heart and mind about him.”

“Good point. I’ll be praying for God’s will in both yours and Henry’s lives, Sis. You two would be adorable together, but sometimes, what we think should happen or even what we want to happen isn’t God’s will.”

“Thank you.” Letting a moment pass, Noelle spotted a family picture of herself, Max and Mandy on the fridge. “Heard anything more from Mom?”

Mandy nodded, her lips firmly pressed together as her annoyance was evident on her expression. “Mom is furious. I wish she could just let go and leave Max alone to do what he’s going to do.”

“Max’s her little boy. She’ll never stop worrying. Could you if something like that happened with little Tony, Elly, or West?”

Her sister went quiet for a long moment. “I guess you got me on that one.”

Returning inside a moment later, Gabe stomped his work boots off on the kitchen rug and smiled at Noelle “ Ruff seems to have missed Roxy and Candy. They were all licking each other’s faces.”

Warmed at the thought of seeing her pals again, Noelle smiled. “That’s so cute. I want to go see her before I head out.”

“You’re not staying for dinner?” Surprise laced Mandy’s words as she turned and her gaze fell upon Noelle.

“No. I can’t. I still have to pack and get ready for the trip in the morning. He wants to get on the road early.”

“Does he have chains for the pass?”

“I don’t know. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Rising from the stool, Noelle headed out the door and toward the barn. Surveying the fields of white snow to her right, Noelle stopped and drank in the view. The rolling hills behind the fields brought a perfect picture of God’s excellent handiwork, and she lifted a prayer of thanks.

Thank You, Lord, for the beauty that is all around. In relationships, in creation, in all things. I pray for my brother, Max. May Your hand of protection be over his life. Draw him to the light of Your love and Your goodness. Amen.

Opening the barn door, she flipped on the light. The smell of dust, hay, and manure filled her nostrils. The hanging light swayed with the small breeze that made its way in through the cracks in the barn, and she ventured over to a stall where Betsy, her sister and Gabe’s milk cow, was lying down in a bed of hay. Smiling, Noelle approached and bent a knee beside the cow. Rubbing the cow’s side, Mandy looked the resting cow over. “Hey, Betty. It’s been a while.”

Just then, the dogs entered the barn stall from behind her.

“Come here, Ruff!” Opening her arms wide, she embraced her dog. “Be a good dog while I’m gone.”

Ruff let out a saddened bark and rubbed her chin against Noelle’s neck.

“Aww. You know I’m going, don’t you?”

After giving her dog one more hug, Noelle rose to her feet and headed for the barn’s exit. Entering back inside the house, she found her sister in the kitchen holding West while Gabe cut up pieces of chicken for the children. Coming closer, Noelle’s lips curled into a smile as her gaze met the small child’s eyes. She offered her finger to West, and he grabbed ahold of it.

“You’re so strong for a little guy!”

Mandy smiled warmly at her. “You be safe on the roads tomorrow. Okay?”

Turning her attention to Mandy, she nodded. “I will be.”

Walking over to her purse on the counter, she grabbed it along with her keys. “Take care.”

*****

As the hours wound down that evening back in her apartment in Spove, Noelle became increasingly nervous. She began to pack her bag for the trip. As she laid a pair of jeans into her suitcase, she thought about the time she would be spending with Henry on the open road. It would just be him and her alone. The thought both excited and terrified her at the same time.

That evening as she pillowed her head to sleep, she prayed for God’s will to happen in her life. A tear-filled confession of her shortcomings in relying on her Savior, Jesus Christ, filled much of her conversation with God that evening.

The following morning, she slipped a finger along the edge of the curtain in her apartment and drew it back. Peering down at the parking lot for the umpteenth time that morning, she sighed. Her anxiety was soaring as she worried about bringing up the conversation of a ‘them’ during their long weekend together. She had dreamed of him again last night. This time in the dream, he had kissed her passionately in the moonlight beneath the stars as he held her close in his arms. She longed deeply for the day when her dreams of them would become reality. But would they ever? She didn’t know anymore. Only God knew, and she had to trust Him and His will in her life.

Slipping her cell phone out of her front jeans pocket, she checked the time. It was a quarter past seven. Fifteen minutes beyond the time he said he’d be there. A honk sounded a moment later, and she glanced out the window again. There he was. Seeing him caused her heart to leap.

Reaching down, she grabbed her suitcase and headed out her apartment door. She set it down and turned around to lock the door.

Henry came up the apartment stairwell.

“Morning, sunshine. Sorry I’m late. There was a detour because of construction.”

Why did he have to do that? She wondered as she felt the love come off his lips and shower her heart with warmth. He lifted her suitcase for her, and they walked together down to his car.

As they came closer to the car, she commented, “You seem chipper.”

“I am.” Opening the trunk of his car, he set the suitcase next to his duffel bag. Shutting the trunk, he turned to Noelle and gave her a look like he wanted to kiss her. “You’re lovely for coming with me on this trip. I can’t express my joy enough to have my best friend by my side.”

You could shut your mouth and kiss me, she thought silently to herself as she smiled.

Recalling her sister’s comment about chains and the pass, she raised an eyebrow. “You have chains for the pass?”

“Yep. In the trunk.”

“Great. Let’s go.”

Moving to the passenger side of the car, Noelle let herself in and buckled. As the seatbelt clicked, her pulse ticked up a notch. The first hour into the drive held little conversation as the radio filled the air. Then Henry pulled off on an exit to refuel and get coffee.

Undoing his seatbelt at the pump, he turned toward her. “You want anything?”

Peering into his eyes, she fluttered her eyelashes and decided on boldness. “Only you.”

He smiled and let out a light laugh. “I don’t think they sell that here.”

As he got out and shut the door, she pressed a hand to her forehead and let out a sigh. Leaning the side of her head against the cool window beside her, she set her gaze out the windshield.

I’m going to have to be direct, aren’t I, Lord?

An uneasiness blossomed in her heart as she was faced with the painful realization that she’d have to be direct about the discussion she wanted to have with him about the two of them. Fear crept in at the thought of him shooting her down. She just wanted the conversation to be easy and quick but not to

exist if it didn’t go in her favor. She literally wanted the impossible. The more she dwelled about the idea of bringing it up on the open road, the more she realized it was better left for the ride home.

I don’t want to get trapped in a car with him if he’s not interested in being together.

After a few minutes had passed and Henry hadn’t returned from the gas station, Noelle decided to get out of the car and get a breath of fresh cool air. Taking her cell phone over to a frozen pond off to the side of the gas station, she snapped a few pictures. Seeing an exposed pile of small rocks a few feet away, she walked over and grabbed one, then skipped it across the frozen surface of the pond. It tapped a few times and then slid to a stop.

“Have you ever thrown rocks on a frozen lake?” Henry’s voice broke through her thoughts and caused her to turn. He handed her coffee and then she peered back at the water.

“I haven’t.”

“It’s pretty fun. Years ago, when I was a kid, we’d go to my grandpa’s cabin up in North Idazo for Christmas and we’d throw rocks for hours. Rachel and I would stockpile rocks under the steps in the summer for that specific reason in the winter.”

Taking a sip of her coffee, her insides warmed from the hot liquid traveling down her throat.

“Sounds like fun.”

“It was.” Looking with fondness on the little frozen body of water, he nodded lightly as he appeared to be lost in his thoughts. Turning back toward the parking lot and the car, he raised an eyebrow. “We should get back on the road.”

“Agreed.”

Walking together back over to the car, Noelle felt a nudge in her heart that went against her plan to wait. Unable to control herself, she pushed it out.

“Have you ever thought about an us?”

He paused. A look of fear flashed in his eyes, then as fast it showed up, it went away. He turned toward her.

“Who’s Gus?”

Shoving him playfully, Noelle smiled but then forced her smile away as she longed to have a single serious moment. “Don’t try to make it funny, Henry. I’m serious.”

He swallowed hard, his gaze fixed on her. His brown eyes penetrated right to her heart and made her feel weak.With all seriousness and tone, he nodded. “Yes, of course. Right now, though . . . I want to focus on meeting my mom. Okay?”

Relieved to hear it but at the same time understanding, Noelle shot a quick few nods his way. “Okay. That’s fine. But we’ll talk later, right?”

“Yes. I promise we’ll talk later.”

As they walked back to the car, Noelle was warmed by the small glimmer of hope the future now held for the two of them. Her nerves were settling, and a genuine smile rested on her lips and in her heart. She could finally focus on being there for him as he embarked on the big moment of finally meeting his biological mother.

*****”*

Checking into the hotel at two that Friday afternoon, Noelle went with Henry over to JK’s diner. They sat and ate a late lunch but spoke to nobody in the diner other than their waitress. Noelle studied Henry carefully as he sat across from her in the booth that afternoon. She watched as his eyes leapt from one server to another server. He appeared to be carefully analyzing and attempting to eavesdrop on conversations between waitresses.

“Hey, I’m not trying to question you here, but what do you think you’re hoping to accomplish?” Noelle folded her hands in front of her on the table.

Henry’s gaze fixed on her. “I should be able to know who my mother is. My heart should sense it.”

Her eyes widened. “What do you mean?”

Glancing around, Henry leaned across the table and his voice grew quiet. “I was a part of her when I was in her belly. My heart should know who she is by just looking at her.”

Noelle’s heart ached for his far-reaching assumption. “Henry. . .”

He shook his head. His tone sounded irritated. “What?”

“I know this is a big deal to you, and I respect you in this journey, but you won’t be able to sense who she is. That doesn’t make any sense.”

A moment passed, and then it was like a light bulb went on in his head. Smoothing a hand over his face, he raked his fingers through his hair and sat back in the booth as he relaxed. “You’re right. I don’t know what I’m thinking.”

Reaching a hand over the table, Noelle touched the top of his hand.

“It’s okay.”

He nodded confidently then shot a hand up, motioning their waitress over to the table. Their waitress came over to the table.

“Hi. I’m looking for Khloe. Could you send her over to the table?”

“She’s not working today.”

Henry squinted slightly. “Is she coming in today?”

The server appeared suspicious as she adjusted her footing, setting one foot back. “I’m not allowed to give that kind of information out, kid.”

“Okay.” Henry’s jaw clenched, and he pulled out a pen from his pocket and jotted down on a napkin the name of the hotel they were staying at. Handing it to the waitress, he smiled.

“If she comes in, please let her know this is the hotel I’m staying at. Thank you.”

Turning his attention toward Noelle, he shrugged. “I guess we’ll go see this weird guy named Tom now. Maybe he can tell us when she’ll be working.”

“All right. Let’s go talk to him.”

Henry slid out of the booth and put money down on the table for their food and a tip.